Hi everyone. This weekend I went up north to see my hubby for a night. It was much needed! I ran and got him and we got a hotel in town for the night and spent some good quality time together. His head and heart are all over the place right now and he is having a really hard time watching Grant get worse before his eyes. He wanted to come home, but I encouraged him to stay again. All in all it takes about 8 hours of driving for me to get up there and home but I told him if he decides to stay that I will plan on heading up there each weekend to spend time with him.
The kids and I will go each weekend because that is his hardest dilema in his head and heart is knowing how sick and fatigued I have been being away from home not here to help me. He feels like he is letting me down. I have told him he isn't! As far as I know I am NOT going anywhere for a long time, so we will be here when he comes home. I am not saying I am superwoman, because trust me I am TIRED! Day to day tasks have been very hard for me. I get so tired and everytime I do anything I feel like I need to lay down for awhile but I will continue doing whatever needs to be done for him to be able to be up there for his brother/best friend and their friend of 20 years who is dying and dying fast (Grant's words 3 days ago).
His doctor told him the cancer has pretty much exploded. It is everywhere now. He is getting his affairs in order now while he still can. The plan sounds to still be when the time has come hubbies brother will set up hospice at his house right down the same driveway for Grant. At that point I think if I am needed more up there I will have my MIL & SIL help me with my kids and go up there to help out.
Yesterday morning hubby wrote me the sweetest letter! His mind has been all over the place, he is having a hard time even wording things right now but he took time out of his day to let me know just how much I meant to him and it was the sweetest letter! I am not going to put the whole letter on my blog because it doesn't seem right to share something so private but I will just add the first paragraph to give you an idea......
Good Morning Sweetie;
I have had you on my mind pretty much since you left and, I have to tell you I TRULY don't know where I would be or what I would do without you! You are my Salvation and I find it very HARD to even think of the idea of not having you in my everyday life! I love you more than words can tell Robyn
It's funny because I wrote him back and told him I feel he puts me onto this pedastal that I do not belong on, but sure love him for loving me as much as he does. We are each our own worst critic right? We have been together 11 years and it has not been easy the whole way! We have struggled, but in the end we end up together. Our love for one another has never changed EVER. It is life and it's stressses that have gotten us down.
When he is home the things he does for me are endless. After all this time he still brushes my hair, rubs my neck and back, rubs my feet, brings me flowers, writes me love letters, takes care of the kids, cleans, cooks half the time, will go and buy something we need, brings me breakfast in bed, loves to hold me, hug me, hold hands. I could go on and on but my point is, he is an amazing man! Trust me I am not saying he doesn't need a little kick in the ass once in awhile but sometimes I think I take for granted all he truly does do for me. Sometimes I think I expect so much that I don't show him how much I appreciate the things he does do. Sometimes I forget women and men are two totally different make ups and he needs to know I appreciate what he does.
So note to self............********Let hubby know how much you appreciate all he does for you when he gets home!!*********
It is so nasty here today! I think it is around 28 degrees and raining ice pellets. Hopefully it won't get to slippery when the sun goes down (Which is right now).
Well I am off to make pork chops on the Foreman Grill and some Au Gratin potatoes and peas for dinner. I hope you all had a great day!
I am wondering if all of you who follow my journal can leave me your addresses so I have them when Christmas cards roll around? Ne I need yours again because somehow the paper I had all of my Jland buddies addresses on disappeared out of my phone book :( If you could please email them to me @ firstname.lastname@example.org THANKS MUCH!
Love and hugs to you all!!