Sunday, January 25, 2009

My first AOL entry ever (Copying LJ :)

I started just recently reading other peoples journals, and man they can suck ya in! So I started thinking with my life and all things I feel and go thru on a daily basis this is a great way to let some of it out! This is going to be a long entry that will have to be continued at another time I am sure because I am going to start from the beginning of pregnancy with my son. For starters I have a daughter Rayanna who is 8 years old also, and I am raising my 15 year old sister also. I live with my soulmate we have been together 8 years and I do not know what I would do without him. I have a dog named Romeo, a lizard named Dracko, and a fish named Red lol. I am an old fashioned romantic type who loves to hang out at home with my family and enjoy the simple things in life. But the catcher is that since the day I found out about being pregnant with my son my life has been anything short of simple and relaxing. Its strange the way the world works, how one thing in this huge world can change someones life so drastically overnight! In the blink of eye! Lets start at the beginning now that I got the introduction out of the way lol..........
Joshua's Story....
I missed my cycle and had a feeling I was pregnant(but my cycles have not been regular for a long time!), but 5 home pregnancy tests begged to differ. One night Bill and I were laying in our living room watching TV and he got kicked in the head! lol. He said "I do not care what those tests say we are going to the doctor because you are most definately pregnant" So I made an appointment and within the week we were there.
Well obviously I was pregnant, and we had no idea how far along I was since I was so irregular, so I was told that they were sending me to Fairview Riverside for a level 2 ultrasound so we could get a estimated due date. A few days later we went to that appointment and after doing the ultrasound a doctor walks into our room and asks me " So do you know what is wrong with your baby?" We looked at her and said "No, we were not aware we were sent here because something is wrong" I do not think she knew that my ObGyn had not forwarned us.
So we were in shock, scared, sad, confused, and really angry for not being forwarned of what we were being told there. Well we then found out I was very close togoing into my 3rd trimester already. Talk about not much time to prepare ;) The doctor told us she would bring us into a meeting room and give us the list of things that may be wrong with our son. We went into the room and sat down and listened as she named 3 things that it could be.
1. Acrodysplasia
2. Something Chromosome related, like downs syndrome and
3. Craniosynostosis.
His limbs were shorter then normal in the ultrasound. She asked if I wanted to do an Amniocentesis that they could then tell me if it were genetic or chromosomal abnormalities. But I am a very high risk pregnancy, I have never carried full term. And doing the Amnio could have sent me into early labor, so we told her " Its not going to change anything, nor help us to know right now, so no I am absolutely not going to take the risk of bringing him into this world any sooner then he needs to be.
We left the doctors, crying and feeling all the same emotions I wrote a little bit up. We went home and did searches on the internet for all 3 things it could be. No text books, nor internet sites can prepare you for what your life is going to be like when your child is born especially when we were not sure what he really had.
Well 4 weeks (yep thats it from the time of that ultrasound, so 5 weeks total) he decided he was ready to come into this world 2 months early. I delivered him at Abbott Hospital in Minneapolis, Mn because Childrens Hospital is right across the street. I actually went to Methodist Hospital first, where my Obgyn was after my water broke, but he sent me by ambulance downtown because he said they were not equipped to deal with my son.
He was born on October 19th, 1998 and thats the day my whole life changed! The first two years seemed like a whirlwind! When Joshua was delivered they had a team of PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) docs there who wisked him away as fast as I could blink it seemed. We still at this point had absolutely no idea what was wrong with him! What a helpless feeling! I wanted to crawl in his body and take it all away! I am going to end this for awhile, I need to get my kids in the tub and to bed. I will continue later.......

Then I finished up some more of Josh's story and changed my purpose................

I am having one of those days lol! I am not feeling very well, and all and everything seems to be getting on my nerves, must be because I am sick. I still have lots to add to my sons story, but really want to start using this for the purpose I made it as my breathing room ;) It is finally getting warmer again here, man what a tease Mother Nature was a couple weeks ago! It was in the lower 80's and upper 70's then bam all the sudden last week again it was sort of snowing and 30 degrees. Well today it is 74 again so heats off for the 3rd time lol. No wonder everyone in my house is sick! My 8 year old is a great little girl with a heart of gold BUT man she can argue, she acts as tho she is 90 years old with all the wisdom in the world on ALL subjects not just some lol, and if she thinks she is right about something she will not let it go. And my 15 year old sister I raise is well need I say more? 15 year old girl? :) She is grounded until tomorrow, and called after school to see if a friend could come over and of course my answer was "No your still grounded" she didn't like that answer much so when I picked her up she had an attitude. KIDS! lol
On a whole different subject I was watching The Search for the Funniest Mom in America on Nickelodian a day ago and the woman who won is the nurse at the urgent care I go to, she just checked me in about a month ago. That was pretty cool to see! She is a single mother with 2 boys and won $50,000.00 and has a chance of being on her own series. How awesome for her! Then I was watching my tivo'd American Idol results and was surprised at the outcome, Anthony stayed? I thought for sure he would be the one going. Oh well I really not that hooked on any TV shows so it isnt going to ruin my week or anything ;) Well my son is going to be getting off the bus soon so I should get going. Bye for now......

Then this................

I Have Learned
I have learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I have learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I have learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I have learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I have learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I have learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I have learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I have learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I have learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I have learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I have learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
I have learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I have learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I have learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I have learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I have learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to takeits place.
I have learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I have learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
I have learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I have learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I have learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I have learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I have learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I have learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I have learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I have learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I have learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I have learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I have learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I have learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I have learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I have learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
I have learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I have learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I have learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I have learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I have learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I have learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I have learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I have learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
I have learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I have learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I have learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I have learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.
I have learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I have learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I have learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.
I have learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.


  1. thank you SO much for doing this! I needed to read this too....see, there was a purpose behind adding years old entries....i learned so much just from your first entry. LOVE YOU!

  2. Dear Robyn;

    I love you and LJ both! This is an awesome idea. I think I've been reading you from the beginning. You don't know how incredible that makes me feel. No! I know what happened! I remember now. I spent days after I found you reading every single entry. THAT'S WHY THIS IS SO FAMILIAR! I'm still with you. You can count on that.

    Love, Nelishia

  3. Oh, Robyn, I just loved that you and LJ did this. I am going to dig out my first entry although I have to admit I think I was trying to be a comeidan at the time. Your entry was totally awesome...totally. Big Hugs

  4. Hi Robyn I was reading about your son and while doing this, some of my memories came up. One of my 2 yr old twins "had something wrong" before birth. I felt the same way you did. I was emotionaly destroyed. Things have changed but I can imagine and undertand "that" feeling.

  5. I never got to read this and I loved it. I know I just came to you from the beginning for tags, but you have become more than that to me. You're such an awesome person and I'm so happy I was able to meet you in Jland.
    Love you, Chrissie

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